RANT: Corporate speak is creeping me out

Ever heard of “legalese”? It’s a set of overly complicated words from the largely obsolete legal profession: Voir dire, statutory law, injunction, etc. Well, today I’m unloading on the business equivalent, “corporatese”(™).

There are no workers these days, only associates. Nice word, gives you the illusion that your company actually cares about you.

Or how about warehouses? Oh, sorry, I meant fulfilment centers. Fulfilment center? You mean a strip club? We are being told that buildings designed for mass consumption are fulfilling. Dystopian.

And it turns out there are marks whose official title is “Senior Associate Vice Executive President”. Aren’t these people embarrassed? Are they not in a permanent state of humiliation?

Final word: Finance. Good God, these bastards love acronyms. CFAs, PG&A, 10-K, DTC, and B2B. All fluff and feathers.

George Carlin said it best: “Spooky language!” All this is meant to gatekeep business knowledge and shock people into thinking you’re brilliant, when you’re not. There’s a term for that: bullshit.

Rant over.

Photo Courtesy of Nick Chong/Unsplash.

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